“Sod the wine, I want to suck on the writing. This man White is an instinctive writer, bloody rare to find one who actually pulls it off, as in still gets a meaning across with concision. Sharp arbitrage of speed and risk, closest thing I can think of to Cicero’s ‘motus continuum animi.’

Probably takes a drink or two to connect like that: he literally paints his senses on the page.”

DBC Pierre (Vernon God Little, Ludmila’s Broken English, Lights Out In Wonderland ... Winner: Booker prize; Whitbread prize; Bollinger Wodehouse Everyman prize; James Joyce Award from the Literary & Historical Society of University College Dublin)





17 June 2017


In a triumph of regional health promotion, it seems somebody in Benson and Hedges or the South Australian or Federal Health Departments has finally realised the strength of stressing your regions when you've got something hot to sell.

Check this untouched scan of a packet of smokes bought in Adelaide yesterday.

I recall shedding a record $32 for a pack of twenty B&H in the slot machine at the local pub once was I was craven but I got a sort of badlad thrill paying that extra $10 just so's I got a proof of age token to cherish all the way from the bar to the cigarettes.

Nobody asks me for proof of age cards much anymore. So. Half a mongrel for a tenner? Beats the Big Smoke.

But this is extra. Check this:

Promoting your state by whatever packaging silvertail or silversleeve achieved this triumph of Stalinist mindfuck with a pack of 23 (!?!) cigarettes that are the cheapest I know anywhere for young mums and they're coming with the warning and a photo of the baby on them and everything so that's just lovely isn't it praise the Lord!

I hear on the street the outfit has a Fair Trade movement well underway.

DRINKSTER can reveal that while it is illegal to grow tobacco in South Australia keen investors could take a hard look at the obvious possibilities of developing more regional abstinence movements which would be marketed through clever cigarette packaging and generous discounting at the cash register. Famous wine regions could well end up with temperance-driven imported tobacco products tailor-made for their their own unique temperance-driven flags of convenience regional marketing requirements.   

And how does government pay for any of this? Tax the fuck out of abstinence, of course! Return some of that income to the regional communities through well-promoted grants systems and you're rockin.

In the meantime, you stick to that Special South Australia Edition next time you want to poison any babies. 

We overdeliver!

Just keep your patriotic peepers peeled for this sort of filthy white propaganda the Amurkhans spray at us:

These smokes don't even have a regional government guarantee of quality! I mean LOOK at em! That Philip Morris baby's NOT EVEN UNBORN!!! Loose tits sink ships! For harm to unborn babies, stick to the cheaper South Australia Edition! Our INDEPENDENT EXPERTS warn of the slippery slope: many are becoming so steeped in the perdition of the Right Australia Policy with Melanoma Trump and James Phlegmburger FAKE NEWS Luqual Entrepeneuria that our sponsors are now offering three free batspits per fizzhag at our special clinic in the Hills. And now with free Qatar.



PuTwilly said...

are they blowing smoke up that poor babys nose whitey

Jesse said...

I paid 35 for a pack when I got back here. The packets are depressing and the cigarettes are often stale and dry because they go unsold for so long. I switched to a vaporizer and can get juices that are organic and made in my neighborhood. Even in the most depraved binges, it easily takes the place of cigarettes for moi.