Premiumizing the masstigious?
For bullshit short-term windfalls
it's easier to change the language
by PHILIP WHITE
Strange
things happen to the tongues of men in the nether regions of megabulk wine marketing. If
they can't squeeze more money from the dodgy plonk, they torture the language.
At least it's close to the tongue.
But
this is usually a bit late. The best way to wring more consistent profit from
the wine business is to improve the quality and the reputation of your booze
through an uncommon gastronomic intelligence, regular honesty, hard work on the
road, business wizardry at the board table and again in the winery, after
fanatical fruit selection and the development of a dedicated, stalwart team.
Not
to mention an impossibly good bank which shares your patience with the
generation-long cycle and understands the destructive evil of Australia's
supermarket duopoly.
This
ideal doesn't occur much, because the boards of our huge wine refineries are
populated by itinerant blokes with haircuts. They come and go. One minute they
may be on the board of an outfit that sells air-conditioned, fully carpeted two
storey Irish Wolfhound kennels; the next they have a go at stripping a great
wine company, then they'll move on to toothpaste that comes in a tube with a
bigger hole. These privateers, or 'directors', climb from failure to failure,
taking a few million more in the way of personal financial consideration with
each step over the slaves.
The
language thing fascinates this writer. Thirty or forty years ago, when our
biggest wineries were owned by cigarette companies or laundry powder-and-mop
mobs, words like 'synergy', 'ridge' and 'creek' began to appear on press
releases and wine labels. These were usually blends of inferior varieties
planted by the wrong people in the wrong places for all the wrong reasons and
blended according to an annual boardroom directive to 'tip all them tanks in
together'.
While
working on a speech for Wolf Blass in the mid-eighties, the scribe learned
another, more endearing patois. 'Sell wine to Germany', for example, became
'schmite zem mit der Luger', a vinous invasion that was 'same as last time - we
go in through Holland".
This
'Chermanising' was the unfolding creation of dear Wolf, the sort of bloke who
can't leave his company, even after he sells it. Wolfie will be eighty in
September, but he still tirelessly travels the globe, promoting wine that bears
his name but is owned now by Treasury Wine Estates, recently sawn in turn off
Fosters. Wolf wants to see anything he started go places.
It's
a long time since he took a secret weekend at the Grand Hotel at Glenelg, to
have a confidential chat with 'Sting' Ray King, the marauding silver-haired MD
of Mildara Wines famous for his hyper-fitness and obsession with racing bicycles.
Wolfie
believed the wine industry should be 'ratchionalised'.
"We
were going down the stairs to breakfast," Wolfie recalled, "me in my track
suit and Ray in his little bicycle chorts. That's when I looked at him and said
'Well Ray, what are you going to be paying me for my company?'"
This
brilliant backroom business tryst was not secret for long: they stepped off the
stairway into the restaurant where the Australian Wine and Brandy Corporation
was holding a board meeting. Village life. After this, King became much more
commonly known as 'The Silver Fox'.
Some
contrast: as the Sands brothers, those glamourpuss boyos from upstate New York,
managed to burn $1.6 billion in their disastrous six-year BRL-Hardy adventure,
they floated the word 'premiumise', which was probably spelt with a z come to
think of it. One couldn't help relating it to 'weaponize', which was George W
Bush's quaint term for the highly-processed uranium he told us that Saddam Hussein had by the tonne. Not.
Premiumize means something along the lines of 'flogging
more ordinary plonk at an extraordinary profit,' and soon led to them Yankees
shredding this grand Australian family company through their Constellation
outfit and flogging it to a non-winemaking investment mob called Champ. So
pioneer Thomas Hardy's old brand is called Accolade now.
Clap,
clap.
The
writer quotes himself, in suggesting these names sound like Korean cars. Which
is fitting, given the resale value.
Premiumizing.
By the bowels of Bacchus this is twisted.
One
suspects there's a touch more trust in the promises of Michael Clarke, the new boss
determined to convert Confederate money to gold bars at Treasury. Clarke came
in from an impressive international career at Coca Cola and an eighteen month
blietzkrieg of chainsaw and refinancing at Premier Foods, which given that
company's basket case, was known as the toughest job in Europe for moving
consumer goods fast.
Another
who knows how supermarkets work is Terry Davis, chief of Coca-Cola Amatil until
next month. For a while many presumed
he'd soon be on the Treasury board; even M-D, but no. After years building Cellarmasters, he sold
that to Woolworths, and always looked like a bloke with the nous to do well
with Treasury. Even after his contentious US$1.5 billion purchase of the
notoriously tricky Beringer as a Fosters boss, he sometimes looks like understanding
how to make the best of what remains of Treasury's vast and varied assets, from
the world's biggest boutique in Penfolds premiums to what the cellarats call
the Death Star: the giant Wolf Blass Bilyara Winery on the road to the River at
Nuriootpa. Not to mention Beringer, the oldest and one-time biggest in the
Napa. Knowing that there's an ex-Coke man running Treasury anyway, Terry's
leaving Coke with a telling new product: cute little tins of premiumised mixers
called Cascade. They're as way cool as way dry: your G&T never tasted more
adult.
One
would pray Michael Clarke did not choose the word 'masstige' as his fulcrum to
lever Treasury up the required notches. But somebody did. Masstige. It's been all
over their press material like a rash. Masstige was evangelised by Michael Silverstein and Neil Fiske in Trading Up, their 2004 book and Harvard Business
Review article. It's like premiumize. It's a naïvely hopeful marketer's
term for the act of convincing many aspirant people that a product is suddenly
worth a lot more than everyone else would consider a reasonable price.
Clarke's
clever modus extant convinces the writer that this useage is the work of some
marketing Gollum, and not Michael Clarke. The smartest thing any boss of Penfolds
has suggested in decades is his gradual separation of the Death Star refinery
megabulks, like Koonunga Hill, Rawson's Retreat and anything without a bin
number, from all the superior wines with numbers above, the best of which are
hand-made in Penfolds' smaller wineries at Magill and Nuriootpa.
Meaning
you could maybe in a dream world sell all of Treasury, with these discounted
megabulks, but keep the best bits of Penfolds, its most profitable and
delicious aspect.
Clarke's
announced a $260 million write-off in preparation for a 'Reset Year' in 2015.
And to make it easier for everybody, he's moving the release date of all those upper
echelon Penfolds glories from the middle of vintage to October, something the
winemakers have been begging after for many years.
I'm
sure Wolf Blass will be in Clarke's ear about the brand that carries his proud
name. It was heartening to watch Wolf rock up at Doug Lehmann's wake with his
right-hand winemaker, John Glaetzer.
The author with Wolf and John "Ferrett" Glaetzer at Doug Lehmann's wake. Working at the time from a couple of small ColorBond sheds, these two built an empire on three consecutive Jimmy Watson trophies. Fanatical fruit selection, mainly from their beloved Langhorne Creek, and radical winemaking made their truth a lot easier to tell. "No wood no good," was Glaetzer's mantra, "no medals no jobs." When Wolfie sold to Ray King they built the giant Bilyara winery and won another ... their hoard continues to grow, now for Treasury Wine Estates ... photo John Preece
Between them, this genius duo won,
consecutively, the Jimmy Watson Trophy three times and the Montgomery Trophy
for best red wine in the Royal Adelaide Wine Show six times. Consecutively. That's just a tiny part
of the fabulous hoard they assembled.
Possibly
unrelated, but pertinent: For many years this storificator was derided for the application
of the word 'refinery' to wineries which looked like that. But somewhere lies the propaganda bunker's press release boasting of the efficiencies expected at Bilyara because
The Silver Fox's new board had hired a refinery engineer from the petroleum business
to design the bugger.
Some refineries can even turn coal to coke.
A real refinery with stills as well as tanks.
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