FOSTERS' EX MISTRESS NEEDS NEW GENIUS

WHO ON EARTH DOES FOSTERS' WINEY OLD EX EXPECT TO ANSWER THIS AD? THE GALLO FAMILY?

Big Brewsta's Winey ExSqueeze
Drops Plot In Zerko B-Search:
New Glam Saviour Puh Leeze!!
by PHILIP WHITE

This is an advertisement from Treasury, the huge wine group which includes Penfolds and Wolf Blass, which Fosters the brewer has decided to sell. In this small matter (surely) of a job ad, DRINKSTER is alarmed at how long it takes these types to get down to the matter in hand: selling good wine.

Not to mention the English language, which the applicant must speak.

In this spirit we have included images of some of the types we are certain would never ever apply for such a position, and would have much less chance of filling it if they did.

LIKE WHO? MARY PENFOLD?

Associate Interactive Producer Napa CA Sales and Marketing Treasury Wine Estates

# 741820 ... Type of Work: Full Time ... Visit Website: https://secure.pageuppeople.com/apply/556/gateway/?c=apply&sJobIDs=741820&SourceTypeID=175&sLanguage=en

Description:

The Associate Interactive Producer is both the lead consultant and project coordinator for all interactive-related programs. This person not only manages projects, they drive them. They are responsible for evaluating client and company challenges, defining and offering solutions, and ensuring the overall quality of projects. Interactive programs include, but are not limited to: website redesigns and updates, landing pages, emails, iPhone apps, iPad apps, social media and mobile marketing initiatives.

MAX SCHUBERT?

KEY RESPONSIBILITIES & ACCOUNTABILITIES

• Manage the execution of brand-specific interactive marketing programs, including all project management, scheduling, trafficking, budgeting and creative production.

• Partner with Print Design to ensure current and consistent asset usage across all marketing channels.

• Provide scope of work and project estimates for client approval, bidding pieces out as needed.

• Develop creative solutions, producing artwork internally and outsourcing as needed.

• Route and obtain necessary approvals on all project elements.

PETER GAGO?

• Manage relationships with outside vendors and other creative resources.

• Facilitate weekly project status meetings focused on program execution issues, including communication of key deliverables, timelines, upcoming milestones and the presentation of creative assets.

• Ensure all deliverables are on time, on budget and executed at the highest level of quality.

• Maintain project management systems and tools, ensuring complete and accurate project records.

IAN HICKINBOTHAM?

• Train clients and other partners on departmental tools and processes.

• Build strong relationships with clients based on thorough planning, timely and professional communication, and intelligent problem-solving.

• Stay current on new technologies and functionality as they pertain to the business.

PERCE McGUIGAN?

• Collaborate with key cross-functional teams to hindsight programs and evaluate marketing efficiency.

QUALIFICATIONS & EXPERIENCE

• BA/BS degree.

• 3-5 years experience in an Interactive Production/Web Development role.

• Extremely strong project management skills.

• Proficient in HTML, CSS, basic JavaScript and Adobe Creative Suite.

RAY BECKWITH?

• Proven ability to juggle multiple projects and stakeholders in a dynamic environment.

• Strong creative eye and ability to make visual recommendations.

• Working knowledge of database interfacing, specifically website development and integration.

• Understand the basics of search engine optimization, pay-per-click advertising, and social media marketing.

• Extremely detail-oriented and organized.

• Proactive, with an affinity for problem-solving.

• Demonstrated ability to execute according to plan and deliver measurable results.

MARK ZUKERBERG?

• Excellent written and oral communication skills with peers, management and cross-functional teams at all levels.

KEY DECISION MAKING IN THIS ROLE

• Ensure that creative look and feel is always consistent with brand standards.

• Daily prioritization of projects - based on brand, timeline and impact on business.

• Recommend new media channels and ways of working as business needs evolve.

ROSS WILSON?

KEY CHALLENGES IN ACHIEVING GOAL(S)

• Managing multiple brands effectively; we have several clients and projects at any given time, and the service level must stay consistently high.

• Marketing teams are lean and people are responsible for a lot; this person will need to be extremely proactive and solution-oriented.

• Technology; while we are improving, there are limitations.

[reader: this is whitey intruding ... notice how frequently the words wine and gastronomy have been mentioned ... oh, sorry dear, there's a bit of that coming now]

ABOUT TREASURY WINE ESTATES

We are a wine company of remarkable history with over 50 exceptional brands and a culture that encourages creativity and recognizes high performance.

We see our role as making wines for all palettes [sic] around the world and marketing them to the world.

Your opportunity is to join a consumer focused company listed on the Australia Stock Exchange with a truly global presence in Australia, North America, New Zealand, Asia, Europe, Middle East and Africa.

We offer a diverse range of roles across sales, marketing, supply chain and corporate functions in some of the world’s most beautiful locations.

The jobs at Treasury Wine Estates are so great that we won Melbourne’s Ultimate Job competition in 2010.


TO APPLY:

If you are interested in this position please apply online. Go to www.treasurywineestates.com to submit your resume and apply online or click on the following link: https://secure.pageuppeople.com/apply/556/gateway/?c=apply&sJobIDs=741820&SourceTypeID=175&sLanguage=en


No recruiters or phone calls, please.

Treasury Wine Estates is an Affirmative Action/Equal Opportunity Employer
Salary Information:
Competitive
Contact Information:
Treasury Wine Estates

this advertisement was placed here free by DRINKSTER ... any fosters or treasury folks who'd like to learn the difference between palate and pallets and pallettes may like to have their people call my people

STOP PRESS:

Australia's defence industry has a job to match but a much more honest description of such:

Aircraft Armament Technicians maintain the aircraft weapon systems from the computers on board through to the actual missile or bomb and play a critical role in Australia's defence.

Job Details

Other Ranks (Technical)

The Armament Trade is responsible for the ongoing handling & maintenance of Armament systems, weapons and equipment at either flightline or workshop level. Accordingly, within normal employment and supervisory guidelines, Aircraft Armament Technicians are employed on duties which include aircraft flightline handling and replenishment; inspection, removal and installation of aircraft components under normal supervision at all levels of maintenance; employment in Armament workshops; disassembly and reassembly of aircraft components; preparation and use of aircraft support equipment; manufacture and repair of Armament based electrical looms; identification and demanding of aircraft spares; preparation and packaging of Armament & technical equipment for transportation and amendment and maintenance of technical publications; inspection, maintenance, servicing, repair test and fault diagnosis of electronic and mechanical armament components and systems; service of pneumatic and hydraulic components and systems, associated explosive ordnance and other weaponry.

You will be responsible for maintaining the aircraft weapon systems from the computers on board the aircraft through to the actual missile or bomb. As part of a team, you will also prepare, load and handle various aircraft weapons such as practice bombs, aircraft gun systems, unguided and guided bombs, air to air missiles, anti ship missiles and torpedoes. You'll also maintain ejection seats and aircraft fire extinguishing systems. With further training, you will learn how to become a Demolition Operator to safely dispose of unexploded or unserviceable ordnance and pyrotechnics. Demolition Operators can also go on to undertake more specialised training in Improvised Explosive Device Disposal and Explosive Ordnance Disposal.

Working Conditions.

The working environment varies because of the nature of the work encountered. Members are often exposed to outdoor conditions and inclement weather, cramped or awkward working positions, confined working spaces, poor light conditions, and aircraft, machinery and equipment noise and vibration. Where possible, work is performed in shelters, hangars or workshops that offer protection from inclement weather. Workshops may be of the open structure or climate controlled type, depending on the maintenance performed. Work may involve being deployed to other bases in Australia and overseas. It is often performed outside normal working hours and during stand-down periods.

Hazards.

Inherent hazards exist in tasks associated with aircraft, Armament and engine operations, explosive ordnance, electrical supplies, toxic materials, Ionising and non-Ionising radiation and cryogenic liquids. Tasks require constant care and development of safe working habits to avoid injury. Minor cuts and bruises may be sustained, but the possibility exists of sustaining more serious injury from machinery, plant, equipment and operational aircraft systems. Personal protective equipment is provided where necessary, and its use is enforced.

Physical Effort.

Some handling of both light and heavy tools and equipment is involved in daily tasks, with an occasional requirement for considerable strength for lifting and handling equipment, jigs, machinery, tools and components. While the physical effort required is normally low, on occasion, heavy and awkward objects must be manoeuvred in confined spaces.

Manual Dexterity and Physical Co-ordination.

A high level of physical co-ordination and manual dexterity is required to perform tasks that involve the operation of hand and power tools, and machinery. Close tolerance fits of components, sometimes large and heavy, also requires that dexterity and co-ordination be of a high order.

Speed and Accuracy of Movement.
A high degree of accuracy of movement is required for most tasks; however, rapid response or great speed of movement is not normally required.

Contact with Others.

Armament Tradespeople are required to frequently interact with other technical trades, engineering officers, aircrew and civilian staff. Because of the nature of their work, Armament Technicians have a strong teams based culture. Although many tasks can be completed by individuals under supervision, Armament Technicians must be able to work together to achieve their tasks.

Probability and Consequence of Error.

The probabilities of error normal to all engineering trades exist. High explosive weapons are designed to be safe to handle but equally, are designed to cause serious damage, injury and/or death if handled incorrectly. Errors in workmanship may also lead to expensive wastage of components and/or materials.

Responsibility for Money and Material.

The job does not involve any responsibility for the care of money. However, accounting responsibilities require the custody and correct use of valuable technical equipment, tools, machinery, publications, materials, job items and other military assets.

Trade Criticality.

The duties of an Armament Tradesperson are critical to the operational effectiveness of the RAAF. The trade performs a critical role in exercising judgement to ensure continued integrity of the Armament systems and equipment. A high standard of workmanship is necessary to satisfy airworthiness requirements with the RAAF.


Handling of Classified Documents and Equipment.

During the course of duties, Armament Tradespeople will be required to handle classified documents and equipment.

Employment Areas.

Armament Tradespeople are employed (almost exclusively) within areas that require dedicated Armament specialists to deal with explosive ordnance and weapons systems that deliver them. There are also some specific supplementary support roles that require armament expertise in non-aircraft roles.