“Sod the wine, I want to suck on the writing. This man White is an instinctive writer, bloody rare to find one who actually pulls it off, as in still gets a meaning across with concision. Sharp arbitrage of speed and risk, closest thing I can think of to Cicero’s ‘motus continuum animi.’

Probably takes a drink or two to connect like that: he literally paints his senses on the page.”

DBC Pierre (Vernon God Little, Ludmila’s Broken English, Lights Out In Wonderland ... Winner: Booker prize; Whitbread prize; Bollinger Wodehouse Everyman prize; James Joyce Award from the Literary & Historical Society of University College Dublin)





30 May 2009



Gallic Squirts And Gallos
Go Nuts On Nomencalture
Dumb Fizzmongers Squabble

STOP! Before you open another bottle of grape-based ethanol with cavities from the Champagne region of France, spare a thought for just how bloody minded those Gallic squirts have become.

The Brisbane Courier Mail yesterday reported the matter of two committed adherents of the cause of grape-based ethanol with cavities from the Champagne region of France who have been quite simply shafted by residents of said region and wighats acting on their behalf. It’s quite sick.

Kyra and Stuart Holley run a little gift shop with an Australia-wide delivery service. One of the luxury products they sell and deliver, right to your bed, is grape-based ethanol with cavities from the French region of Champagne.

They called their business Champagne Messenger. Straight away those wighats representing the makers of grape-based ethanol with cavities from the French region of Champagne whacked ’em with a stack of threatening paperwork disallowing this, demanding that they should also change their trading name and their internet address.

"The lawyers said we would damage the reputation of the name of champagne in Australia, which in turn would damage the commercial interests of champagne makers. The irony is that in selling champagne, we're increasing their sales," Kyra told The Courier Mail. “So we’ve called ourselves BubblyToGo”.

This frogfizz pip-squeakedness is matched only by our favourite Californian Latinos, the Gallo mob, who sell grape-based ethanol with or without cavities which probably doesn’t come from the Champagne region of France, but, you know. Who knows where they get their ethanol from, or where they procure their cavities.


Meanwhile, Steve Winston’s in food writer Nancy Leson’s Seattle Times column reporting how the Gallo ethanol roosters have sooled their lawyers on him for selling pasta. Steve runs a neat grocery on Western Avenue at Waterfront Park, called The Spanish Table. One of the many lovely Spanish things he sells is pasta made by a fifty-year-old Spanish company called Gallo, which means cock.

So what happens? The Californian ethanol-flogging Gallos whacked Steve with a cease-and-desist letter. “He told me to write him a letter saying I'll never sell this pasta again,” Steve told Nancy. “I was too busy filing my taxes last week, so I didn’t and he went ahead and filed."


Nancy suggests Steve should clear his shelves of the US$13.99 Martin Codax Spanish albarino he’s been selling and send it all back to its distributor, E & J Gallo, because it’s not made by the pasta producer.


DRINKSTER called our favourite Californian vendor of all sorts of lovely drinks, Roberto, at WineExpo – Champagne World Headquarters, in Santa Monica, to ask whether the makers of that grape-based ethanol with cavities from the Champagne region of France have noodled him for his use of the name of their joint.

“Yes, we DO have a big sign out front with that on it and EVERY Champagne producer who sees it loves it,” he reported. “If they think Kyra and Stuart have been bad, what would they think of THIS?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Funny piece! E&J Gallo get no respect down under where the barefoot coporate imperialists were sent packing in E & J Gallo Winery v Lion Nathan Australia Pty Limited [2009] FCAFC 27 (24 March 2009).


Steve Winston
The Spanish Table