d r i n k s t e r: CUT DOWN TREES PUT UP A PARKING LOT

“Sod the wine, I want to suck on the writing. This man White is an instinctive writer, bloody rare to find one who actually pulls it off, as in still gets a meaning across with concision. Sharp arbitrage of speed and risk, closest thing I can think of to Cicero’s ‘motus continuum animi.’

Probably takes a drink or two to connect like that: he literally paints his senses on the page.”

DBC Pierre (Vernon God Little, Ludmila’s Broken English, Lights Out In Wonderland)

Winner: Booker prize; Whitbread prize; Bollinger Wodehouse Everyman prize; James Joyce Award from the Literary & Historical Society of University College Dublin

CARTOONS BY GEORGE GRAINGER ALDRIDGE

RECOMMENDED by The New York Times and The Daily Globe

“ ... irreverent, guffaw provoking ... irresistible ... ”

ALICE FEIRING in WALL STREET JOURNAL 2ND BEST! DAMN!

“the Rimbaud of McLaren Vale … bandanna on head, standing on a table outside the Victory Hotel, shooting geology at the wine-sluggers with all the fiery conviction of a temperance preacher in the goldfields” Andrew Jefford

Just be wary of Philip White, the Charles Bukowski of Australian wine writers and for my money one of the best in the business, who recently described a wine as “a stark raving crazy transvestite musk ox with bad breath and a dirty botty” Nick Ryan Men’s Style

“forthright, opinionated, aggressive - sometimes just plain wrong” The Key Report

“Australian wine has never seen, and will never again likely see, a writer as great” Campbell Mattinson

“BONKERS!” Fiona Beckett THE GUARDIAN

“On form, Philip is Australian wine’s Kerouac, Hemingway and la Montaigne rolled into one.”

MAX ALLEN - THE AUSTRALIAN

10 January 2013

CUT DOWN TREES PUT UP A PARKING LOT

Main Steet, McLaren Vale. There were beautiful shady mature gum trees here. Mr. Scarpantoni, of Scarpantoni Wines, has cut them down to make this lovely car park. I notice he parks his car in the shade of the one tree remaining, this side of the flags, behind your shoulder to the right. I doubt very much that this would have occurred if Greg Trott were still alive. He would have driven down there and stopped it. In his gentle way. The rest of McLaren Vale must be dead on its self-satisfied feet. If I'd known it was happening I woulda been there with an army ... Buy your wine accordingly ... photo: Philip White

8 comments:

HUGGER said...: How fucked is that! They were lovely healthy trees with good parking shade. HOW DID THEY GET AWAY WITH THAT?; January 10, 2013 at 11:10 PM
Andrew said...: Just dropped myself off their damn mailing list, both of them. Too bad I just got my order in. How selfish! You can park cars AND have trees, idiots.; January 11, 2013 at 12:09 AM
Anonymous said...: And if a branch fell off the tree and hit your car you would complain as well!; January 13, 2013 at 3:24 PM
Philip White said...: Oooh yeah, them Australian trees are all killers. If we save just one kiddie, it'll be worth cutting every awful bastard down and cementing the country over.; January 13, 2013 at 6:47 PM
Sal said...: Well said, Anonymous. Bloody bastard trees and their stupid shady branches ... With all that shade and shit ... Well, just, yer ... etc.; January 13, 2013 at 8:42 PM
Philip White said...: Philip White@whiteswine : Brrrrrm gang gang ... They obviously see a better future than we do. We don't understand.

Dudley Brown@TheWineRules1 : How could we?; January 15, 2013 at 12:35 AM
Anonymous said...: This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.; January 15, 2013 at 7:25 AM
Rich Wisken said...: I believe the trees were removed after an increase in Drop Bear attacks on unsuspecting tourists. Mature gum trees provide the perfect habitat for these vicious creatures...; January 15, 2013 at 9:34 PM

CONFESSIONS

"After enough years newspapermen begin to pall on other newspapermen; they begin to take their good qualities for granted and wince at their shortcomings, of which the most common are a vanity that sometimes borders on the thespian and a sort of perpetual mental adolescence that I think stems from starting a fresh story every day or every week or month and never having time to get to the bottom of anything. They forget that newspapermen as a class have a yearning for truth as involuntary as a hophead’s addiction to junk. The question of whether the junkie really loves hop is academic; he can’t get along without it. A newspaperman may write a lie to hold his job, but he won’t believe it, and the necessity outrages him so that he craves truth all the more thereafter. A few newspapermen lie to get on in the world, but it outrages them, too, and I have never known a dishonest journalist who wasn’t patently an unhappy bastard."

A.J. Liebling,

war correspondent,

New Yorker,

Algiers,

January 1942.

“Chook's got really bad taste in clothes. It's quite confronting first thing in the morning the day after visiting 57 wineries, breweries, restaurants and bottle shops. But the reality is that no-one besides Chook could actually get you to those 57 events in one day (and pick you up from the airport), and if you want to back it up and try the remaining 482 attractions in the area you know you have to put up with the cringeworthy (but matching) vest and bowtie. Oh, and Chook only seems to like two types of music - country and western. This is best dealt with by letting Chook do what he does best (take you to the best wineries in a fastidiously timely manner and introduce you to his winemaking mates) and just getting so smashed that you can't remember how bad his music was ... Mrs Chook helps out too and she's much easier on the eye. Oh and be warned, Mr Chook senior occasionally jumps on board to get free trips to the TAB, so make sure you have some good tips on the nags ... Also, be careful about discussing your onanistic tendencies (who cares if you're lefthanded?) during your winetastings - Mrs Chook is not always as completely out of earshot as you might think she is ... Overall it's very obvious that Chook has absolutely no concern about your liver. But if you want friendly service, appropriate ‘space’, good advice, and patience with a smile, then get Chook to drive you all around the McLaren Vale!”

Trip Advisor: Smicko1 Perth, August 2012

Chook's Little Winery Tours

0414 922 200

www.chookslittlewinerytours.com.au

From ROBERTO - WINE EXPO - Alternate Reality Theater: If Robert Parker had been a Music Critic

A recent discussion in the store with a self proclaimed “wine headhunter” who only wanted to talk about wines that had been scored 95/100 or above by America’s most influential / misdirected / irrelevant to your everyday wine with dinner and friends wine scribe got us thinking.......Our friend reacted fairly violently when we characterized the Zinfandels that would be Port made by Mr. Parker’s personal “Wine Goddess” as being like “A drag queen in the middle of a great production of Carmen, totally over the top and not really germane to the context (dinner!)” which led us to think about the sort of ratings RPjr might give some of our favorite musicians:

John Lee Hooker “It Serves you Right to Suffer”

(MCAD 12025 re-issue of the classic 1965 LP)

“Strangely rustic, a throwback to another era before the advent of modern studio wizardry which could have given this original version of “Sugar Mama” the power and intensity later achieved by Foghat in their cover version. This listener had figured out by the fourth track (“You’re Wrong”) that Mr. Hooker seems to be in a bad mood, yet he went on for another 20 minutes with titles like ‘Money’ (he doesn’t have any) and ‘Serves you right to suffer’ 68/100.” To which the only possible response is “Boom! Boom!! Boom!!! How! How!! How!!! Boogie Chillin! It’s in ya and it’s GOT to come out!”

James Brown avec les JBs!!! “Love Power Peace”

live in Paris 1971 (Polydor 314-513-389-2)

“While certainly heartfelt, Mr. Brown’s tortured vocal performance could benefit greatly from the modern production techniques that bring such inner consistency and radio-friendly textures to New World Soul Crooners like Michael Bolton and George Michael. The back-up band, while certainly capable, seems bent on endlessly repeating fairly simple rhythmic patterns (called “grooves”) that appear to have stirred up the French audience but lack any real complexity..72/100, not recommended.” To which we reply “Yo Mama! Get on the Good Foot, Hit me Maceo!”

And some not so favorite musicians: The Music Advocate Pick ‘o the Month

Judas Priest Greatest Hits “Breakin the Law, a tribute to Beavis and Butthead”

“Intense, complex, ponderous, with oodles and oodles of layered slabs of hot molten metal guitar and primal scream vocals seamlessly integrated in backward masking that just might drive you to suicide!” 99/100!!!!!!!!!!

“Ale, especially that made from barley, clogs the sinews, causes headache and congestion of the head, yet it overstimulates the action of the kidneys, and, when drunk to excess, lowers the temperature. That, however, which is brewed from wheat, and is flavoured with mint and parsley, is judged better for everybody. Still, in the case of persons exposed to the sun’s heat, in feverish conditions and sultry weather, its use is inadvisable.”

From The Science Of Dining – A Medieval Treatise on the Hygiene of the Table and the Laws of Health, translated from the Latin by Arthur S. Way D. Lit, MacMillan, 1936. Previous translation The Schoolmaster, 1583. Original text from Mohammed ibn Zakariya al Razi, Arabic medical writer (865-925AD).

10 January 2013

CUT DOWN TREES PUT UP A PARKING LOT

8 comments:

PARIS

MOST HITS ARE ON

ARCHIVE

TOP 100 PANIC HITS

CONFESSIONS

HEALTH WARNING

HEALTH WARNING

GOOD ISLAMIC ADVICE